It’s not being a cuckold if it’s consensual & contracted

It’s not being a cuckold if it’s consensual & contracted

I commented on a Reddit post recently where someone had been accused of being a cuckold for dating a sex worker.

A few hundred downvotes and a lot of angry comments later, I realised that the majority of people have no concept of the sex-work industry, swinging, open relationships, or how contracts in relationships can lead to consensual sexual exploration and be perfectly workable. But it helped confirm for me what I already knew – that dating a sex-worker has nothing, and I mean NOTHING, to do with being a cuckold.

But the first discovery I made, was that if I valued my Karma-points then I should not be trying to tell Redditors that they are wrong about these things. Luckily I valued the truth over such Simian terror, so I went at it until they gave up, or got bored trying to educate me back into becoming a low-IQ, possessive male, driven by his mummy issues.

It was worth it.

What is a cuckold?

Most onlines dictionaries have the following to say about the word cuckold…

Cuckold: A man whose wife is sexually unfaithful, often regarded as an object of derision.

One dictionary went on to suggest it comes from a French word related to the Cuckoo, which is a bird that lays it’s eggs in another birds nest and leaves that other bird to bring up the chicks. I can see the comparison… sort of.

If you search Google for the word cuckold and look at the images tab, it’s porn with every variety of threesome you can imagine. So it is no wonder that many young Redditors are a bit confused about what a cuckold is, or isn’t.

tl;dr

There are three key things that separate the cuckold from a man who is in control of his relationship choices.

1. Contracts
2. The difference between Compromising and Concession Making.
3. Communication

You can read about all these, and more aspects of relating, in the book,

The Experience, A Gentleman’s Guide to Threesomes: Exploring Relationship, Sexual Energy & Western Tantra .

Don’t be fooled by the name, it is a book about good communication in relationship, and why we all need to look at the challenging aspects to improve our lot. And what could be more challenging than trying to have a threesome with your partner? In the book, we talk about communication methods around that, as well as the reasons to explore such things in the first place. It is a guide to good relating and good communication, as well as exploring what you want as an individual, and yes of course it goes into great details on how to have a threesome and still have a fantastic relationship afterward regardless of anyone’s gender. It is also the very definition of how NOT to end up a cuckold.

Contracts

Contracts are decisions made and verbally agreed upon by two consenting adults because it allows them as individuals to continue to grow while respecting the boundaries and differences of the other person.

By creating Contracts we are then able to define the boundaries of our behaviour & expectations precisely and clearly. Rather than stagnate, this actually then allows the relationship to grow, simply because both parties know exactly where the boundaries are drawn. This then allows those boundaries to be open to discussion and expansion over time as trust is developed.

A verbal contract could be about anything from who does the washing-up and when they do it, to exploring sex outside of the relationship. The point is, it is mutually agreed upon and made clear before ever being acted on, it is never just left as a secret desire, suppressed, hidden, or worse, done on the sly.

All relationships already function to contracts, but the best and most successful relationships will actively discuss the precise details of the terms, and will constantly revisit those terms too.

No one says the terms are set in stone, but they should simple server to define the boundaries of the relationship in a way that makes those lines clear at that moment in time. It is not about forcing them either, it is about acknowledging them.

Contracts will diffuse the risk of becoming a cuckold

Working to Contracts is in absolute contrast to the experience of the cuckold, whose wife is unfaithful against his true wishes while he puts up with his situation because of his weakness and subordination to her domination. Contracts clarify the rules of engagement and if they are broken, that must be addressed too.

It would take the better part of a book to explain this in detail, and conveniently that is exactly what we have done by writing our book, so check it out if you want to understand more.

Suffice to say, Contracts define the boundaries and encourage clear communication and negotiation around them, but also highlight the places that require further attention, maybe not immediately, but at some point.

For instance, exploring sexuality in a way that introduces other people into a monogamous relationship scenario is a perfect example because it will require so many things to be discussed about boundaries before, during and after the experience. Many of those boundaries will not be known until they are hit upon, and often with emotionally challenging results. This is all part of the opportunity to learn.

If you are in a trusting relationship where good communication is happening, even if the challenges around the different boundaries you both have are extreme and explosive, the trust, the communication, and especially the constant re-development of verbal contracts, are what will get you through.

If you can introduce Concession Making into it, then there is a real possibility that you can both get what you want in the end.

This level of communication is NOTHING like the experience of the cuckold, who is being run over, used, dominated, and abused against his true wishes, and he has no control of the situation.

Contracts provide agreements on terms of behaviour and also awareness of what happens if that is then ignored.

Compromising Versus Concession Making

These two very different approaches to making Contracts may seem like the same thing at first, but once you start to understand the immense difference in the intention and impact that Compromising has compared to Concession Making, then you can start to see the chasm between the two and why it is so important not to compromise yourself, and not to encourage your partner to do it either.

Compromising is not a good thing

Firstly, let me say that most relationship advice in glossy magazines suggests that Compromise is the secret to long and healthy relationships. I completely disagree, I think compromising is actually the secret to a long, miserable, unhealthy, power-imbalanced relationship. Compromising is exactly how a man ends up a cuckold.

To my mind a compromise is when someone forces themselves to do something they do not want to, just to please another person. That is the very definition of control and imbalance in a relationship and it will doom it to misery for at least one person involved. Though they will then try to convince themselves that they are okay with that for the greater good of the relationship, and that is the essence of a compromise. It destroys the autonomous sense-of-self and is a terrible approach, assuming you prefer a balanced relationship (and some actually don’t, but I won’t go into that here).

Concession Making is a better approach

Concession Making, on the other hand, is about discussing terms that work for both people, and it goes hand in hand with a later Contract to define those terms, so they are workable and fully understood.

It is very often the case that you will accept your partner doing a certain thing under certain circumstances, i.e. if certain conditions are being met, but that you likely can not bear it otherwise. This is important to grasp because it brings up the third and possibly most important key to the article I am writing here – Good Communication, and I will talk about that in a bit.

Concession Making requires two autonomous individuals to think for themselves, stand-up for their own needs, to respect the needs and desires of their partner, and to find ways to discuss those needs and desires honestly, and often, because needs change too.

Concession Making is not easy, it is hard because it requires admitting that you want something that your partner may not agree with. But, so what! There is nothing wrong with disagreeing, it is healthy for a relationship. The world is built on disagreements, that become negotiations, that become contracts. How you manage dispute and disagreement is the true measure of the quality of a relationship. Really, the places you disagree are exactly where and why you need Contracts, and it is why you should both strive to be amazing, autonomous, unique human beings in your own right. Contracts can help you both to achieve it.

Addressing the tough stuff is the mature and adult approach to dealing with two unique people’s needs. While ignoring the tough stuff and instead indulging in sneaky behaviour to get only your own needs met, that is like lighting a time-bomb in a relationship that is not working out, and that you are completely in denial about. It won’t end happily, and you are not evolving as a human being if you are in denial.

Concession Making when done right, can stop a relationship from becoming a dysfunctional, un-discussed, imbalanced, dominating power-play.

Again, it would take a book to explain the subject in-depth, and conveniently I already mentioned one that does.

So how does this resolve the cuckold situation?

Where Concession Making helps resolve the situation of the cuckold, is that firstly the man is pro-actively fighting his corner to be met on his terms, and his partner should be negotiating her part in that too, of course. She deserves to have what she wants as much as he does, surely? If he cannot face into that, then they really need to split up before they waste any more time.

If they have done things properly, then the discussion of her needs to have sex with other men should be at the communication level, not yet being acted on. If they Compromise, it will likely end up leading to her acting on it in secret or against his wishes anyway. All the while, he would be failing to even discuss it, probably he would be putting up with it for the greater good of the relationship. That is being a cuckold.

There is no need for it to be like that. That is dysfunctional and it does not need to be that way. So yes, in that situation it is being a cuckold.

Concession Making is when you both discuss the reality of an event before it happens, the emotional impact of it, the pain it might cause, the things you both feel or long for, or hate, or desire, or think you need or don’t need, and also the terms upon which you can both possibly come to agree to meeting each other if not half-way, then just somewhere. Where is that exactly? Communication can find it out, but eternal silence definitely won’t.

You resolve the cuckold situation by taking control of communication through Concession Making that leads to Contracts, that leads to both of you acknowledging the other’s needs while attempting to get both of your needs met through balance and concern for the other.

Testing the concessions, giving a shit about how the other person is feeling, finding out what works for them, and for you, and what doesn’t. Going back to the drawing board, patching up the injuries, revisiting it all again, trying again. Getting it wrong to get it right, but doing it with mutual concessions not forced compromises.

If nothing works, then yes, it’s probably over, but at least you tried everything. Maybe you are just not suited to function together. Try someone else, don’t become a cuckold unless you like being dominated and dysfunctional, and believe it or not, some people do. But contrary to the opinion of a whoop of baboon Redditors, I certainly do not.

Be wary when Merchant-bargaining with your emotions

Concession Making is where you think about what you need in order to feel okay about your partner getting what they need. It is certainly Merchanting, but you do need to be careful about that, because you are dealing with emotions, and so you have to be careful what you exchange in those kinds of deals. You need to avoid it becoming an emotional compromise. The details of which are too individually unique to be able to discuss it here in a generic way.

The important point is NOT to compromise yourself or your partner, but to find the place that works for you both, and where you both feel comfortable before, during, and most especially after any act.

Communication can diffuse a lot of the unexploded bombs that lie hidden on that path, but we will get to that shortly.

Test a concession, talk about it, adjust it

So you define a Concession that you think might work for you both. Then you might want to test that, and return to the negotiation later to discuss how it went, and if it worked out, then you turn that into a Verbal Contract. Or, if it failed, then you try to find some new terms until you find something that works.

But, if you can’t find a way to resolve it, and you can’t find a way to meet somewhere in a concession that works for you both, then maybe you are not suited to achieve it, but at least you then know that.

Everyone is so different that it is impossible to outline a one-fix-fix-all suggestion here, but the generic aspect will come down to the same fundamental things, and it is those things I am sharing here. More is shared in the book, but the real key to all of it lies in the next topic, that of communication.

Communication is EVERYTHING!

Communication is the most important ingredient in all of the above and in every relationship that ever was. It does not even have to be good communication, so much as the ongoing attempt to find new ways to discuss what you find at the boundaries of your relationship, and especially in the places where you both disagree.

Many relationships have turned around from near calamitous disasters to become successful enterprises simply because they found a way to communicate their needs and feel acknowledged in that, not even necessarily getting met, just acknowledged.

In the case of my argument with a large whoop of Redditor baboons who aggressively gang-barraged me with accusations of being a cuckold because of my views, I brought each argument back down to the same point – that it is all about Communication, or the lack of it, with your partner and has nothing to do with dating a sex-worker or even a nun. It’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it!

Communication develops honesty, honesty develops trust, trust develops the conditions for a person to be acknowledged, and that can lead to them getting met.

If your partner wants to experience sex with other men, you best get used that idea or leave her, because she wont ever figure out a way to switch that desire off, and nor should she. You cannot fault an innate desire!

That was my argument with the baboons and they did not like it one bit, when I turned it around and suggested it might be them as the ones with the issue, and that their attitudes would likely drive their partners away or to be secretive about their desires, they liked that even less.

Okay Mr big talker, let’s have a real life example

If I dated a woman who liked to sleep with men but was afraid to tell me about it and so did it behind my back (and yes, I have), the moment that I found out about that, I would have three choices: walk out, become a cuckold, or start communicating to discuss terms.

Of course, in my youth I ended up a cuckold on a number of occasions, and that is probably why I argued so vehemently with the whoop of baying Redditors; because today I know the difference.

I have also been at the middway point, where I was able to demand terms, but I was still learning about how to communicate around that.

Communicating is never easy, and I think that is what confuses many people because they think it should be, but easy communication means you are missing the real gritty stuff. Communication on the real stuff is always uncomfortable, challenging, revealing, it often triggers shame, and is damn hard. That is how you know it is the real stuff.

Fortunately, the more you try to do it, the better you get at clarifying what you are okay with, and what you are not okay with, and not only to your partner, but more importantly – to yourself.

As you might have guessed, I have a penchant for threesomes with women. Today I get exactly what I want, and I am very happy with it, and I can say without any doubt that to achieve it required communication above all other things. So how did I get to that point? By going through a lot of painful revelations, of course, but it was absolutely worth it in the end.

The day I finally figured it out

I once dated a sex worker. I knew what she did for a living, and she was upfront with me from the start. I did not mind that she did it, because it was the bent of my nature to be okay with that, but…only on certain conditions, it turned out.

I figured it was okay with me, because I imagined that in return I would get threesomes with her and other women. I wasn’t totally conscious of this aspect, it was something I realised in looking back.

My acceptance of her having sex with men for money was not because I was a weak person, but because I was already fine with open sexuality. I did not confuse lust with love when it was in a relationship based on emotional trust, and I had been exploring that myself already, but always in a swinging situation or a threesome. My partner having sex with strange men while I was not there, but that I knew all about it – that was new to me, and I was not sure how I was going to handle it, and I let her know that.

So, when I first started dating this sex-worker, I had yet to fully grasp that it had to happen on very clear and finite terms in order for it to work for me. I soon discovered this the hard way. It turned out that I had some very precise rules around that kind of thing, and some very bad reactions when it was not met. I was learning as I went.

A sex-worker is actually really helpful in this regard, because if there is a button to push, she will probably push it. I was fine with her to have sex with other men, which surprised me as much as her in the beginning, but it also then surprised me further to discover that it had to happen in a very clear way, so that it did not trigger any of my stuff.

On a couple of occasions she did trigger me, and in those moments I was very quickly not okay to the point of becoming rabid. The outcome was, that I started to get a map of what my rules were, mostly because I discovered them when they got broken.

So first I had to learn what my rules were, then I had to learn how to communicate them without flying off the handle or triggering her stuff, and then finally she had to decide if she was okay with my new demands and the contractual changes that I was then requiring.

It was often fiery, it was often feisty, but I worked hard at finding ways to communicate through it. Sometimes our negotiations took a long time to resolve, sometimes they very nearly didn’t, and we would both get triggered and have a fight. But, I did my best not to let them end in compromises for either of us.

Over time, I learnt what I was okay with, and I learnt what would cause me to go loco in an instant. It certainly was not easy, but neither was it all that hard, it was simply a journey of exploration.

Learning that, and understanding and noting the lines of my boundaries when they got crossed, helped me to figure out what contract terms would work for me when dating someone of her calibre, and it helped me practice ways of communicating my needs as well as talking about hers.

Once we got to the point that one boundary was clearly defined for me, and I knew for sure that I had defined it, that then allowed her to decide if it worked for her too, or how to adjust things so we could both accept the way we both functioned. We made Concessions, and we gradually negotiated our way into something that worked for both of us.

I personally liked open relating because that gave me the freedom and the right to explore without guilt too, but on her concessional terms.

At the same time as exploring sexual horizons with my partner, to counter-balance that I needed intimacy, emotional monogamy, and 100% trust to be able to function otherwise all bets were off. Sexual promiscuity under defined conditions was fine with me, safe-sex was an absolute must, and it had to be for money if she did it without me, I was not okay with her just sleeping around for kicks. Funnily enough, I struggled more if she slept with women without me, or if she did it with men for free, because then my need for emotional monogamy felt threatened.

You discover all these quirky things about yourself that you had no idea existed and that is okay, in fact that is what you need to find out to be able to be honest with your partner and yourself. Really you are learning about yourself.

And to be clear, once I understood my boundaries, I also became more aware that I would no longer tolerate a relationship if those boundaries were crossed with deliberate malice, or if sneaky behaviour was happening, or where I was not being met on the terms of our verbally agreed concessions and contracts

At first these quirks all seemed strange, until I realised that I was gradually clarifying exactly what worked for me, and then what worked for her too. I was not a cuckold because I was in a deal I was happy with, or negotiating towards one.

No-one was being unfaithful because it was consensual, and it was well communicated, and it was verbally contracted and clear. No one was dominating anyone or playing games, it was mutual and it was considered.

But, nothing is perfect, and we did not live happily ever after…

With some people it will just never work out, cést la vie!

It took me a couple of years to realise that I was actually not happy with the situation with my sex-worker girlfriend, and so we split up.

The reason was that our more precise contractual requirements could not be made to meet. She eventually wanted something that was outside the boundaries of what I was willing to accept, and I could not find a concession that would let me allow it.

It was clear by then that we had hit the hard, impenetrable surface of fundamental elemental states, and neither of us would, or should, be changing to meet the other. To do so would be compromising ourselves. She needed a certain thing, and I could not be in a relationship with someone that did. The End.

Certainly it hurt to see the end of our time together, but at the same time it was clear to me that I had worked through my needs properly, and without becoming a cuckold in the process. That was probably a first.

From that point on I understood my needs a lot more, and I knew better the terms I was willing to meet someone else on, in order to get what I wanted out of a relationship.

There was no way that I was being a cuckold, it was the complete opposite after that because I was in control of my side of the bargain and better able to communicate it. And if her behaviour did not suit me, then I was more than willing to walk out, in fact I did walk out.

And the next relationship that I had benefited from the lessons of it all. I was still happy to date a sex-worker if it happened that I met one, because I knew they would be able to talk much more openly, and with much more experience than the average woman could, and of course they would likely be much more open to my favourite past-time – that of threesomes with my partner and another woman.

In conclusion

The main take-away from my flare up on Reddit was that when my lifestyle choice was pitted against a large number of whooping male baboons, it served to make me more aware of just how well I have managed to figure out my own needs and desires, communicate them with my partner, and then seek ways to get us both met exactly how we both want to be met. Thanks to those Redditors trying to subjugate me with abusive tirades and name-calling, I realised that I had achieved a wonderful and rare thing.

I did not find a single guy in the midst of those arguments who did not exhibit large amounts of reactive pain and fear around sexual promiscuity in their partner. All the while having no idea that their pain came from their own possessive concerns, mixed with a massive failure to communicate, an inability to think for themselves beyond the pack, and the abject failure to consider the reality of their position, or more importantly, their potential partner’s position. If anything, it was a bit dishearteneing, and I felt sorry that it made so many of them angry and vitriolic, but pretty soon I thought – fuck these idiots, and then I more pitied the women that would end up with them.

But I can say without any doubt that the key to the entire question of whether dating a sex-worker makes a man a cuckold, lies in the single word that shows up in the dictionary definition of a cuckold: Unfaithful.

If a partner is unfaithful, then it suggests there is no trust, and if there is no trust it is because there is no communication. If you can diffuse that, then there is no shame, pain, concern, or loss of trust when your partner finally shares with you whatever her secret desires are.

When you find those out, and when she feels safe enough to share her desires with you, then the journey to better relating is open to you both, and there is no reason why you can’t experience it all without any pain or shame at all, only pleasure, and when it is done safely, there really is nothing to lose. Or… you then know for sure it is time to leave her, because she is not for you.

It really is that simple.

If you know what you are doing, if you can communicate with each other, if there is trust, and you have defined your contracts clearly and stick to them wholeheartedly or change them if they need it, then it does not matter if you date a sex-worker or a nun, you can both achieve anything, and still know that you are there for each other.

That is not being a cuckold, that is the maturity of fearless and honest adult relating, but I can understand why it would look like the same thing to the immature, fearful, or inexperienced observer.

***

For more insight and information, Jodie and myself go into many more details and aspects of exploring relationship and how to communicate around our desires in our book, available as Paperback or eBook to download from Amazon.

The Experience, A Gentleman’s Guide to Threesomes: Exploring Relationship, Sexual Energy & Western Tantra

 

Female HypoAgency & The Male Biological Imperative

Female HypoAgency & The Male Biological Imperative

Meet the mimic octopus (1.5 min video)…

 

Introduction

Two years ago, just after the #MeToo campaign got started, I wrote a somewhat long and feisty article titled: Female HypoAgency: Pink Patriarchy, our Orwellian Big Sister [steemit article].

Female HypoAgency was a new concept to me at the time, and I was investigating everything I could to understand what was going on between men and women that was creating such a volcanic reaction. I was also trying to understand my own position in the #MeToo revelation, as I am sure many of us were. I felt men were being unfairly targetted, but could not understand why, on the surface it looked genuine.

Now the initial #MeToo furore has died down a bit, I wanted to revisit the subject again, because it seems that the underlying forces at work have completely failed to surface in a way that makes it understood. Female HypoAgency and The Male Biological Imperative are two forces that work together and need to be understood if we are to unravel #MeToo, make good changes, and ultimately progress.

TL;DR

Female HypoAgency allows women to choose to be an Object (Victim) or Agent (Independant & strong woman) of their actions. This switchable ability gives them Deniable Plausiblity. While Men can only ever be considered to be Agents (Perpetrators), they are never really thought of as Objects (Victims), most especially in a dynamic which involves a woman.

An immediate example would be how we percieve women hitting men as okay if not actually quite funny, while men hitting women is domestic violence. Another example is men raping women which is called rape, while women raping men, there is not even a word for it. A woman cannot rape a man, there is no law against it, rape only applies to men (Agents) doing something to women(Objects), and yet we know countless women are caught raping minors, but the word is never used in law because the act does not currently exist for women. That is HypoAgency.

To add to the problem…

When Female HypoAgency meets The Male Biological Imperative to sacrifice oneself to protect women and children, it creates an amplified condition that has a dark side – women can then play on men’s desire to rescue them, they can play victim, and culturally we tend to believe it to be real because all men are driven by the biological imperative to protect women and sacrifice themselves in order to achieve it. We feel good doing it. This feeling of reward is so deeply ingrained in our psyche that we do not even see ourselves engaging in it. Culturally we have started to become aware of it though, and the Urban dictionary has jokingly come to call this the Pussy Pass, but it is a very real dynamic.

Unfortunately these two complementary dynamics between the genders has now taken a dark turn in our culture, in part because men are no longer needed to protect women against a potential threat of war, as a result Feminism has risen to take power, and this rise has happened in direct correlation with peace-time, but that is a subject for another post.

Let’s look at Female HypoAgency, and a great video explanation from Karen Straughan can be found at the end if you don’t have time to read the rest of this article…

What has changed in two years?

The first thing I noticed, is that it is easy to find definitions and examples of #MeToo, I doubt there is a person alive that has not heard of it. We all followed the ensuing dramas of Harvey Weinstein and the fall of many other famous men since, but interestingly, it is still far from easy to find a good definition of the opposite behaviour involved, that of Female HypoAgency. The only way to do so, is by venturing into the Men’sRightsActivism areas, and who want’s to do that, right? Even they don’t really get it either, they are often too busy being angry or feeling denied their right to be a victim.

What does this tell us?

Firstly that no one actually much cares about what is driving the dynamics between men and women, but we sure do enjoy a good sexual drama on the News.

and secondly, as a result of this disparity, hardly anyone actually acknowledged what is behind the dynamics.

Investigation of #MeToo still seems to stop at “blame the Patriachy” and the presumption that – “it is all men’s fault”. In this regard, nothing much has changed, but for those in the know there has been a gradual shift towards better understanding, and Female HypoAgency meeting The Male Biological Imperative is beneath a lot of it.

What has changed from a male perspective?

Other men have started sharing their experiences, the good and the bad, we have started to talk to each other and to listen. So in that respect it has been progressive for us, even if in part that has been simply to protect ourselves from the less salubrious women out there.

For myself, the last two years have been spent trying to understand my position, and why I was so immediately and instinctively against #MeToo from the start. I was disgusted by it, to be honest. I experienced sexual abuse from men and women growing up, and I have dated some absolute bitches (as well as some lovely women of course), and I did not agree with the #MeToo campaign at all, because I knew it completely ignored the complicity of women in their actions. It made out that only men were to blame.

That made no sense, but I lost a lot of friends for expressing my position, and I was constantly berated by women for mentioning my point. I was constantly told that I was not listening to women, but from my perspective, I was not being listened to. The more I observed this, I soon realised that this dated back much further than just #MeToo, and that actually my entire life had been spent being told I need to listen to women, while actually not being listened to by them.

Feminism has made men’s experiences un-important and less than, while women’s experiences have been elevated to essential listening. This is something we have been hearing for at least the last 50 years. That was an unexpectedly curious revelation.

Guilty as charged, your honour

I also had to accept that I have not been as innocent as I would like to think I have been, I have perpetrated all sorts of trickery in an attempt to get laid. #MeToo applies to me too.

I certainly do not do it now, and I consider the #MeToo campaign to have drawn a line in the sand for all of us (both genders) because it marked the point beyond which any of us could use the excuse that we did not know what we were doing. It is now our duty to learn, and to take responsibility.

In terms of finding people guilty for past behaviours, Presentism should also be considered before judging anyone, post #MeToo. but sadly that is rarely of interest to those involved in an attempted hanging, since they usually want an outcome and to see someone swing from the gallows, and it is always aimed at creating a clearly defining a victim, and a perpetrator to hang, but is it all really that simple? No, it is NEVER that simple!

What ever happened before #MeToo, should be judged on it’s own merit, while what happens now, can certainly be judged more diligently according to the rules left behind by the #MeToo campaign, but not without an honest look at the dynamics involved on both sides. I do not believe that is happening yet, not at all. The blame-it-all-on-the-men narrative remains doggedly prevalent and it just highlights the willing ignorance shown by people who are actually more interested in power-play, than in the truth. It is high time that was being called-out too. Women have been completely complicit and so far, that revelation has avoided scrutiny.

Communication from both sides before sex

There is no longer an excuse not to communicate about sex, but that includes women too.

It is not an excuse to make men do all the work of getting consent, while playing dumb to their part in letting it happen. You just can’t expect to get away with that wall-flower approach anymore, and this has obviously presented a problem, because to do that requires admitting responsibility for female sexual desire and women’s demand for sex.

Turns out #MeToo was a double edged sword, because women are simply not allowed to demand sex in our culture, they get tarnished if they do. To do so would also take away the ability to be an Object (Victim) and stick her firmly in the Agent (Perpetrator) camp.

Who would risk that, especially given how vicious women are to one another when one of them is sexually overt and promiscuous (The Sisterhood is also a myth, but again, another post for that debarcle)

Women want sex, but they risk their status to admit to it

Unfortunately admitting to sexual desire, or acting on it, impacts women’s status negatively in our culture. And not just from men, but from other women. That is the root of the problem as I see it, because it encourages women to avoid taking responsibilty around the act of sex with men.

But #MeToo has happened. There is responsibility to be had now, otherwise it will backfire on the women that it should be helping. This was in part why I was so against it, because I could see how it was going to remove the opportunity for women to remain passive in the engagement, they would no longer be able to get men to approach them in a dominant way, because we now risk legal issue later to do so.

There is no pretending that false accusation’s can destroy a man’s life even before it goes to court. We have seen the damage it has done and we have heard women being righteous about that. We have been tried, and found guilty in the public domain by the mob. If I was a young man today, there is no way I would go near a woman now without some kind of proof that I did not force myself upon her. It is not worth the risk. #MeToo did that.

#MeToo is a total failure because men can’t be safe to approach women anymore, if we do, we’ll risk losing our jobs and going to prison on the whim of a woman’s invented comment. We are guilty until proven innocent, and even when proven innocent, our lives will have been destroyed anyway. It’s the Ultimate Power and it is in the hands of women, not the Patriarchy, and yet, apparently the patriarchy is the problem? pffft.

You want sex? Get me a lawyer first

So, women need to become more overtly sexual, more overtly communicative about wanting sex, or, you’ll simply have go without because it is not worth the risk to us men. #MeToo did that.

So the sharp, double-edged nature of the #MeToo sword now requires that women need to stop acting like speech-incapacitated victims (Objects), or pretend that sex is only ever done to them. #MeToo has removed your right to fall back on that as an excuse. If you want us, you are going to have to come and get us, and bring a lawyer along with you. #MeToo did that.

But wait, of course you can still deny responsibility – Female HypoAgency to the rescue.

The sexual dynamic: Dominant/Submissive 

The hardest part of it all that people still completely fail to grasp, and the area that has seen far less change, is in understanding the dynamics and power-play behind the passive person’s involvement in any sexual interaction.

Women are still considered the Object (victim) in almost all sexual interaction by default. Their Agency in engaging in sex, attracting it, driving it to happen, seems to still be considered minimal. It is done TO them. Women get to retain deniable plausability. This is the power of Female HypoAgency.

 #MeToo and Feminism, has also now ensured the right of women to provoke sexuality from men, all without being questioned on that behaviour, and this deliberate drive seems to have increased exponentially since #MeToo began. Women are now shoving it in our faces. It is now called being the independant, brave woman, and men best accept it. But there are some startlingly ignorant aspects in that role. Take Yoga pants as a really good example…

Yoga pants are the overt sexual harassment of men

They have become common place in public, designed now to accentuate and draw attention to the vagina and buttocks, while the cultural standard seems to have become obtuse denial of this fact, apparently it is done for her alone, not us at all. (more Female HypoAgency in action). If you could put language to it, it would go something like this.

“Look at me, look at me! I am an independant woman, fearless and brave and here is the outline of my vagina and ass to prove it. LOOK AT ME!”

but when you do, this is now followed promptly by, 

“What the fuck are you looking at, RAPIST!”

Or at least that is how it feels as a man dealing with the Agency of women who pretend to be innocent Objects of our desire, while at the same time are deliberately provoking sexual attention from us, demanding it aggressively, then attacking us for it. 

There is another rule – we are not allowed to mention this. But yes, absolutely, men are being targetted with this overt Yoga pant wearing behaviour and especially by younger women who think they have the right to do that without consequence. In fact even this discussion on Yoga pants is not permitted, simply because I am a man. To mention tight-fitting Yoga pants being worn in public makes me a perpetrator and borderline rapist.

This, is not a good change. In this regard female independance has become vicious, deliberate, and sexually antagonistic towards men, while at the same time teasing us, and then starving us, of what the feminine has control over. Where once I might have wolf-whistled, to women wearing Yoga pants in public I now say,

Woman, kindly take your snatch-stretched yoga pants and fuck off somewhere else far away from me with that shiz.

Corporate Feminism: because Vagina

Corporate, industrial-level, Feminism has now crept powerfully into the very arena in which the majority of men were targeted by the #MeToo campaign – Hollywood. Is this a coincidence? I think not. The whole point was a Feminist take-over, so the targeted males no longer have any power in the media realm. It’s been a coup.

Political Correctness in Corporate world has also stealthily become something of a dictatorship, it now requires that women be given roles that they have not necessarly earned, simply on the merit of having a vagina. This is actually discrimination, but that concept is sure to fall on deaf ears because of the belief that the Patriarchy is in control, run by men, and needs to be over-thrown by women at all costs. (This is actually baloney if you had not realised it yet).

Never mind Oprah and her part in feeding Harvey Weinstein his alleged victims, or their part in meeting the man in a hotel room despite likely knowing full-well what they were walking into (unless women don’t talk to each other? That would be a first.) They were meeting him in a hotel room…Why? Well, the clue is in the question.

But despite all this old-school feminine method of career-climbing by using sexuality to get ahead while denying it, it is still all men’s fault that it occurs or exists, and that single assumption permits targeting those men in power, ousting them, and putting someone with a vagina in charge instead. Any man who dares to get in the way of that, or does not vocally fully support it, can now easily be targeted too. It is genius really.

The only required qualification to get ahead today – is possessing a vagina. That is why the future is female. Women are never at fault, because it is always men to blame.

This is all just the work of Female HypoAgency and men falling foul of The Male Biological Imperative to support women. Wakey wakey men, you are being duped.

Do you remember that moment Oprah stood up to support Harvey? No nor do I. Why? Because they would have taken her out too. Power. That is the game behind #MeToo really, and the sooner people see that, the sooner we can have a proper conversation about what has been going on to get ahead in Hollywood, or to get some head in Hollywood, depending on which side of the Hotel door you were on before she decided to enter in. No one forced them, but I bet Oprah encouraged them wholeheartedly. He are some pretty pictures of that. #MeToo, women were complicit 50/50 if not more because it’s how the power game works.

 

Women do ‘being men’ better, obviously

The last two years has seen huge changes in movie scripting and directing. [Variety magazine article on it from January 2019]. 

Oceans 8 and films like it are all about women trying to do “men” better, and presenting the idea that they can do it much better.

Sometimes, I don’t think many women can actually grasp what a man even is, and yet they say we do not understand them.

Anyway, time will tell, but I think there is a danger in promoting this ridiculous idea that women do it better, because it is rooted in female fantasy and the perception of female powerlessness. Feminine power is found by being outside the circle of activity, controlling it, without doing anything. Give that covert control up, try to become a man, and you will definitely experience powerlessness. This is what is happening as Feminism takes over overt control. I predict that it’s going to end in tears.

Women do NOT do men better at all, if you have any doubts just look at the gender statistics of the dangerous jobs in the world. Women are not even close to doing it better. It should be obvious enough what men do, but no, women do it all better, not in real life, but on film and in Feminist slogans, while in reality they don’t do it at all.

Though I also fully understand the reactive necessity of it, given women have been kept out of the men’s locker room until now, and they want in, because they feel powerless. But when they get in there, they will just be women in the men’s locker room. That is something else. But I get it, sure let them in for a while, though I am not pretending that I think it is a workable idea in the long run. If anything, #MeToo has taught me that there is a value in gender segregation, at least in some aspects.

There is an inevitability about all this too, it’s a wave of female emotional reaction that is doomed to fail in the end when the truth comes out. Certainly it will be supported while it is a new thing, but there will also be an inevitability in it’s decline, because actually women do not do “men” better, how on earth could they?

Men do men best, and that won’t change ever, even if you take HRT until kingdom come. Just like Trans women are not actually women, they are men  who chopped their penises off, enjoy role-playing, and now have to take hormone drugs to maintain their bitch-tits, but they are not, and never will be, women.

It makes one wonder why on earth women are not happy with feminine roles in life. The female sense of  powerlessness is a curious thing and maybe something to look at for another post.

The Corporate Feminist take-over of Hollowood has already begun to show signs of weakening, Elizabeth Banks has been exhibiting an excellent example of Female HypoAgency by blaming the failure of her Charlie’s Angels feminist teenage romp on… men’s failure to attend the cinema when women are the action heroes. [link to her interview here]

meh, could it just be that your film is crap? no, it must be men’s fault.

We have been hearing this for a long time, eternity in fact. But “It’s all men’s fault”, is going start to get tiresome to hear at some point, even for the women who have doggedly supported Feminism all along. Why not just let the men be men, because we do it really rather well when allowed to, and with no need of help from female expertise on the rules of it. When you are done playing at being men in the men’s locker room, would you mind shutting the door on the way out. Thanks.

A world war would sort this all out in minutes

This could also all quite easily be sorted out by the return of a nice big and bloody war, the rise of Feminism dogma and #MeToo outrage, all remains curiously correlated to the advent of peace in our first world cultures, but I won’t go into that today.

The Patriarchy is a convenient “it’s all men’s fault” myth

The whole “blame patriarchy” concept is ridiculous and always has been. It is a byproduct of Female HypoAgency and the need for women to deny responsibility because they have to in order to maintain female status.

The Patriarchy has also been deliberately encouraged as a concept by the billion dollar industry that is Feminism and has been driven into the very teachings of our culture since the 1960s if not earlier, which is why no one stops to question it, we all grew up hearing it, and took it to be truth, but it isn’t truth, it’s the doctrine of a propaganda driven cult that has targeted traditional family roles. Though Erin Pizzey was aware of it being a problem as it got started, and her work with early Feminism is insightful into just what went wrong and why.

But Camille Paglia puts it best in a few of her quotes which I share below, and at some point we are all going to have to wake up to the fact that the so called Patriarchy was mutually designed and built by men and women together. It is not the work of men alone, nor was it made to oppress females, if anything it has oppressed men into slavery to work dangerous jobs for his family unit, because society, technology, family, home, and the so-called Patriarchal system was made FOR women, to protect and nurture women, and designed at their behest and their demand.

The Male Biological Imperative: protect women, die trying, feel valued.

Our culture has always sought to protect, serve and cater to women – and children too for that matter. It is the biological imperative of our species to protect women and children and to put them first. That biological imperative is deeply rooted within every man, and you can see it best on Reddit r/FightPorn (If you can stomach it, be warned, it aint pretty). In every single example you find on there you will see the same dynamic play out – whenever a woman punches a man no one does anything, but if a man even just pushes a woman, he is taken down instantly by all the other men around, their minds do not even register what they are doing, it is instinctive. This is the Male Biological Imperative to protect women, rooted in the need to save the one that can propagate the species. It is an immensely powerful force, and hard to even spot unless you are looking.

This Male Biological Imperative to protect women and children was put there by Nature herself in order for our species to fight to survive. Man’s only real role in life is to be a sacrifice for women and children. That is the real definition of the Patriarchy – men sacrificing themselves for women and children, and in context of a real-life situation, working for their families.

For people to now pretend the Patriarchy is somehow loaded against women is a travesty of absolute ignorance, and frankly it is disgusting to engage in such a blatant dismissal of what men have sacrificed tirelessly through the ages to build a better world for those that came after. Men died constantly for the rest of us to live in the peaceful, technologically advanced Utopia that we have today. Shame on anyone who dares to turn that into a blame-men slogan for Feminazi propaganda. Those that do, should be sent somewhere to start over and see what it looks like. Maybe send them to another planet, and the best of luck with that. Call it Planet Clementine Ford and maybe she can be sent in the first mission.

Lest we forget…

 

 

“One of feminism’s irritating reflexes is its fashionable disdain for “patriarchal society,” to which nothing good is ever attributed. But it is patriarchal society that has freed me as a woman” – Camille Paglia

“It is capitalism that has given me the leisure to sit at this desk writing this book. Let us stop being small-minded about men and freely acknowledge what treasures their obsessiveness has poured into culture” – Camille Paglia

“Patriarchy, routinely blamed for everything, produced the birth control pill, which did more to free contemporary women than feminism itself” – Camille Paglia

“What feminism calls patriarchy is simply civilization, an abstract system designed by men but augmented and now co-owned by women” – Camille Paglia

Yet #MeToo still allows for women to play victim

For most people, sexual conquesting still remains a male driven arena, so it is easy to blame men as sole Agents, and it is still well underway to do so while claiming only ever being an Object as a female.

But this should not be possible after #MeToo if it had been successful, or right, in the first place. If it had been right then women should now be able to vocalise, speak, ask, and recieve sex. But they can’t. Why? Because they will still be shamed for it, so, nothing has changed since #MeToo, except more men are in prison and out of jobs, and we now know that a large section of the female population are dangerous and can’t be trusted.

If we bother to stop and consider the dynamics at work in any sexual connection, actually the feminine, passive role is a powerful one. The passive role is perfect for HypoAgency, because it allows for denial of responsibility later.

Women can always play the victim card, but men can NEVER play that card. (Another aspect of HypoAgency and why it is mostly females that get to use it, though it makes you wonder if that is why men are trying to become women.) This is because playing victim functions well to make use of the biological imperative men have to protect women and children. I am sure you see where I am going with this by now.

This biological imperative in men is actually what is being used against men by women via the #MeToo campaign. Let’s have a look at a good example of that…

Asia Argento, the perfect case

There is a certain irony in the fact that Asia Argento – the very person who started the entire #MeToo snowballing after her outburst at a Cannes event – then went on to be proven to be a sociopathic, sexual predator. She tried to deny it, and did so very convincingly because it seemed like an obvious attempt at a smear campaign, but then when pictures surfaced of her with the boy that she targeted, there was no room left for denial. But she still tried to wiggle out of it, not to admit it, instead she said she did not know he was that young, does he look old to you?

Then it turned out that Asia was not so much raped by Harvey Weinstien, as blew him willingly in order to get ahead in Hollywood. Of course she maintains that…

“She later had consensual encounters with Weinstein, she said, though she really felt “obliged” to comply, for fear he’d harm her career. ”  

(The career she had progressed by blowing him, willingly, in a hotel room, voluntarily. Yet he is up for prison. Does that not seem weird?)

Here is a picture of some women being tormented by their rapist…

 



and from Argento’s original speech at Cannes…

“we know who you are and we’re not going to allow you to get away with it any longer.”

Well, quite so, and it probably came as a shock to her to discover that works both ways.

How is this still happening?

This is where Female HypoAgency comes in, and it is not just some fancy bit of jargon, it defines the very power dynamic at work between men and women. It is the power play used by those willing to deny responsibility for their their actions, and in some ways, hide their predatory nature just like the mimic octopus in the featuring photo of this blog.

Asia has provided us with the perfect example of that creature in human form. She is completely in charge of all her situations, she is the absolute Agent, while totally played the Object from start to end every time. She still plays it even after being caught out, almost sociopathically believing she is the victim. This is so common it is uncanny.

#MeToo is a fiasco. No one seems to realise just how much it is just a tool for narcissistic women who use it to power-blugden men. It’s literally a game of spot the predatory woman, because she will be claiming Object victimhood, while being the absolute Agent of her own life and targeting men to get ahead. The clue is in the victim position, she will never admit fault even when an Agent of her own choices. That is the clue, because she is lying. Mimicking, while hunting for her next actual, genuine victim.

Female HypoAgency is especially prevalent in any sexual interaction, this is because sex functions between the person who is Dominant and the other who is going to be more Submissive in the sexual dynamic, Sex energy increases between these two energetic, dynamic states of being. This then tends to lead to role play. Sex energy works like that, it is animated and excited by the engagement between those two opposite forces, but they are strangely complementary and they flip too. Dominance and Submission.

In BDSM, the Submissive runs the show

In BDSM world, it is well known that the person that controls the BDSM scene is the Submissive. This is a crucial truth if we are to understand the dynamics at work in #MeToo also. The Submissive is in control, and that is actually how it should be really, because that is how BDSM stays safe. But think about that, the Object, is in control, in Female HypoAgency, the victim is really the Agent who is running the show. Asia, the queen of the #MeToo campaign, plays it perfectly.

Plausible Deniability

Women can use Female HypoAgency to get ahead in all areas of life, they can play passive, while actually controlling the situation from that position, and yet all the while seeming not to. That is the fine art of the feminine to do this well. Plausable Deniability, is a woman’s essential weapon and tool in life, or it can be, certainly not all women engage in it with the aggressive ferocity of someone like Asia Argento.

Women actually have no choice but to use it with sex, because to act overtly would then get them targeted by other women as being promiscious and dangerous to them, it also might put men off. Men get scared when women act out of character. This is something for men to learn too.

The problem comes when people like Asia Argento start to use it to wield power in public, and get ahead, and once it backfires on them, then they use it to take down the men around them, try to cover their tracks, while endlessly claiming to be the victim themselves.

#MeToo is this, on a grand scale, and it is ingeniune in the extreme because it denies female culpability where there is plenty. Beware a woman who does not question #MeToo. She is probably using it.

Sociopathic claim to victimhood

The one thing that stands out every time with a sociopath running Female HypoAgency, is that they believe they are the victim even when it is proved beyond any doubt that they are not, and you can always tell by the language they use because they will continue to blame someone else even after being caught out. Asia reveals this behaviour perfectly for us to learn from. It’s a great revealer because she has been so badly busted all round.

Rose McGowan, who attached herself early on to Asia, is no better and interestingly they are now at war ever since Rose tried to distance herself from the Asia car crash. That’s the level of support there.

Men are mostly completely unaware of this happening to them when these kind of women target them, Anthony Bourdain almost certainly was caught out by it with Asia, and ultimately with disastrous consequences for him. The women who engage in it are absolutely ruthless, and it is why I used the Mimic Octopus in the main picture of this blog to represent it. A predator is looking for a result.

The mimic octopus is an incredibly artful predator and fools its target by mimicking something that it is not, in the case of Female HypoAgency, a woman mimics being a victim while actually being the Agent, and she engages the male in his Biological Imperative desire to protect and support her. He then feels he is doing something good, for the greater good, when actually she is controlling the situation, and him, with a deliberate intent while pulling on his strings. Poor old Anthony got mugged by a mimic octopus.

White knights, or just poor clueless bastards

This mimicing behaviour is actually very common in Nature with the female predator, there are others that mimic fireflies for mating then eat the male, or the male tarantula that has spurs on his legs which could effectively stop the female from eating him. Does he ever use them? No. What is also common is the male’s utter obliviousness to it all and failure to rescue himself from his own blindness. 

Female HypoAgency is in our blind spot, so we have to learn how to spot the signs that lead to confirming it.

Males that are suckered by it, start to exhibit white knight behaviour. and then make fools of themselves doing the bidding for the woman that they think they are rescuing/ supporting/ saving/ or loved by.

Like when Anthony Bourdain paid off Asia’s young conquest in an attempt to stop his revelations harming her reputation and what he perceived to be the rescue of other #MeToo victims. Somehow he saw it as worth it, and not as Asia playing the hell out of him. The poor clueless bastard.

Men rarely naturally become aware of how Female HypoAgency is used upon them, and women who use it will hunt for those kinds of men to prey on. For the most part those men only learn the hard way, even then they often can’t believe it is real even after it is proved to them. This is because it goes against their Biological Imperative and the need to sacrifice themselves to save women. They fail to see how something as delightful as a woman can ever be that calculating. Nature programmed them that way so that they would sacrifice themselves when required.

For this reason alone it is essential that Female HypoAgency be fully understood by men – and women too so we can talk to you about it – in order for us all to start to work out how to get along better. Not just to stop the #MeToo campaign, or the Corporate Feminist Take-over from running away with itself and becoming either a fiasco of male abuse, a victim stigma for irresponsible women to hide behind, a blatant leverage for power using the vagina to force entry, or simply a weapon with which to hate on men with. MeToo did not really help women, it hurt them. It was started by a sociopathic predator, so the clues are there.

We need to work together to figure this out, and it is going to require some honesty, painful truths, and most of all, understanding how the symbiotic chemical reaction found between Female HypoAgency and The Male Biological Imperative, underscores the entire dynamic of our modern first-world culture.

So, what is Female HypoAgency?

It’s likely the only people who will ever care to know about it, are the very people who already know what it is, or have fallen victim to it and no longer able to deny their experience but can’t yet understand what happened, or why it happened, to them.

Everyone else, feminists especially, will not be interested in discussing it. Why? Because it reveals their behaviour.

Here is the best explanation on Female HypoAgency (30 minutes long), provided by the person who helped me understand it two years ago, the incredibly insightful, Karen Straughan

 

Every man should watch this video, and re-watch it until it is fully understood. I have been seeing it at work in our culture all over the place for the last two years. If men do not start to understand this dynamic and how it works, it is not likely going to get any better for men, or women, any time soon.

Links

If anyone reading this feels like they have been the victim of Female HypoAgency and #MeToo campaign and targeted unfairly, then I highly recommend contacting James Barnett of Barnett Survivors Limited, based in UK. He has done work internationally to help victims of false accusations and understands better than anyone the dynamics at work, and the legal issues involved in fighting for justice, against the damages caused by a false accusation. He can be found through any of the links below.

https://twitter.com/barnettsurvivor?lang=en

https://www.facebook.com/BarnettSurvivors

https://uk.linkedin.com/in/barnettsurvivors

Trans & Genderfluid culture faces an issue that is being ignored

Trans & Genderfluid culture faces an issue that is being ignored

Introduction to this post

I started looking into the Trans and Gender issue last year after I got in an argument on social media due to my views on it. The post I made back then went around the internet, and it got a lot of people quite upset. It was, admittedly, written without filtering my annoyance at what I found out, and I have since decided to retract it, wait for myself to calm down, and now will try to explain my position.

I want to try to put my point in gentler terms. I was accused of  ‘trans-bashing’ in my previous attempts to explain something that I can see going on, but that most people seem to want to ignore. What I discovered, actually freaked me out.

My background, such as it is, is that I am a hetero cis male, and I feel like one on the inside and out, but for whatever reason I have had a fair bit of time spent around Trans women, not so much around Trans men, but plenty around people claiming to be one biological sex physically, and another mentally, and then acting accordingly.

To be honest I hold little interest in what you think you are – be what you want, be what you feel, be my guest and dress it up how you like. I am also pretty sexually ambivelant myself, but I am an opinionated creature, and I like to get to the root of things when I discover a mystery.

I have found the Trans issue of using surgery and HRT to solve what I perceive to be for the most part identity crisis (not always though), to be a fascinating area, and it is so rife in identity politics, SJW agenda, and cultish thinking, that it is virtually impossible to see the wood from the trees. Worse, Big Pharma and big money makers seem to be behind the drive to encourage it to become a provable science.

TL;DR

Big Pharma are funding research in what is nothing short of a Mary Shelley story akin to Dr Frankenstein, their aim seems to be to research until they discover the HRT drugs that can force children to transition better and quicker as adults. Why? long-term customers.

Bascially, imo of course, the Trans world are nothing short of being used as lab rats and I share my explanation and findings in this post.

As you can imagine no one wanted to hear that, I got some serious flack last time I posted it, but I did not put it well either. So here is my second attempt because I think it is a huge issue, and a crime being perpetrated across the globe right now. There is a drive to force gender-fluidity by administering drugs to children, that will cause the problem that Big Pharma can then charge a lifetime subscription of HRT to fix.

My view:

I still think it all comes down to identity crisis for most individuals, and though I also fully accept it is not my issue, so therefore not my business. That was my view on it too, until I unearthed some pretty creepy goings on in the research funding of Trans and HRT drugs.

I do not think the first, or even second to last, port of call for anyone should be surgery and a liftetime reliance on HRT drugs for anything. But people will be people, and that is the world we are clearly headed towards: drugs to fix our problems, surgery to make it a one-way trip, and Big Pharma funded research to invent proof where it does not yet exist. They are getting there.

SJWs, LGBTQ, Militant Feminist influences

The other huge issue is SJW and LGBTQ and of course Militant Feminist cult thinking, all of which come together on this particular subject to encourage gender fluidity without questioning the motives, the funding, or much anything else either. They seem to howl for support of surgery and HRT, and I am constantly barraged with informational links trying to prove to me that the science is backing all of this. It’s been dubious at best.

Each time I get a link, and have the time to bother to research it, I find that the money leads back to Big Pharma and the researchers are seemingly always from those groups I mention in this subtitle. Maybe that is inevitable, I don’t really know. I find it curiously bias though.

There are so many conflicts of interest in the research papers I read, that I gave up trying to point it out to anyone. They mostly did not want to listen anyway. The language is often rather sneaky in the way it implies results that do not necessarily exist. The problem is that all these groups mentioned, already want the science to end up proving that surgery and HRT drugs are the answer. If you start with that premise, that is a bit whacky.

I soon discovered that you can’t argue with the mob. Like someone said to me once ‘It’s their choice’ and I have to accept that is the case, up to a point. Because giving kids powerful HRT drugs based on a whim, makes it a much bigger issue.

I wanted to be a fire-engine when I was a kid, as such I find it hard to take kid’s views on their own gender seriously, especially pre-pubescent children, but others rush them to doctors to get HRT the moment they suggest they are confused about gender. This is the future we are headed towards.

There also seems to be a growing amount of proof coming from the Trans community that gender-fluidity has been largely caused by HRT drugs given to pregant mums back in the 70’s and onwards. But if this is the case, why tf are we giving them to kids in research now!?!

First, let’s get the kids on HRT drugs

It gets worse. I  know of at least once case of a Social Justice warrior in Melbourne (Australia’s answer to San Fran) who has encouraged their female born child to get on HRT because the child said they ‘felt’ like a male on the inside. Then when the child got bored of that fashionable teenage drama a few years into taking the drugs, she/he then decided she/he was no longer a male but rather wanted to go back to being a teenage girl again, so the process went in reverse. HRT to the rescue.

To my mind this is just the tip of the iceberg, and Big Pharma is behind funding it all as far as I can tell, and below I will share an example of that which they are not even bothering to hide.

My findings on the research I have researched so far

Always follow the money. Research can’t happen without it and many of the studies trace back to connnection with Big Pharma. I guess it makes sense at one level but it’s a problem because it creates a huge conflict of interest since they stand to benefit from anyone starting a lifetimes reliance on HRT drugs. This conflict of interests is being ignored.

This was the first one I looked at, and the subject of my previous post which I retracted, but the issue still stands. It’s a perfect example of two problems.

  • 1. They are experimenting on children with new HRT drugs to create the problem, not just fix it.
  • 2. Big Pharma then stands to benefit from creating the science where it does not yet exist, it is also funding the research into it.

Don’t believe me? Take a look for yourself…

https://eje.bioscientifica.com/view/journals/eje/155/suppl_1/1550131.xml

It was clear from what I read in the above linked research, that there are currently funded experiments going on in Europe where they are applying HRT to children under the guise that catching the issue early with HRT may help stabilise the individual seeking to change gender-label later. (Does this remind anyone esle of the Nazi experiments on Jews, or is that a bit passé of me to suggest it?)

They are basically using kids as guinea pigs to perfect the HRT drugs to then create what the Trans community think they want, and sell it back to them. That, is really messed up imo, and is the future we are headed towards. Though in fairness it is a brilliant business model.

Of course this way the science research will eventually prove that HRT and surgery works. It is straight out of a Mary Shelley novel because they are creating the problem, that they can then charge a lifetime subscription to fix.

Have a look at the comment at the bottom of the study in the link above, it says:

The authors are very grateful to Ferring Pharmaceuticals for the financial support of studies on the treatment of adolescents with gender identity disorders.”

When I read that, I lost my mind for a bit. Hence my previous scathing attack on the community for being duped by Big Pharma. Obviously it didnt help, it just got Trans folk’s back up.

Big Pharma will be raking the money in when they hit the mother-load and eventually create the drugs that then can prove that kids need to be given HRT to help them transition better as adults.

What a wonderful world we live in. How come I am the only person to see this?

Conclusion

The whole Genderfluid culture is out of control imo. It’s scary the faith that people are putting in drugs and surgery to fix all problems. It is, and has, become more like a fashion than anything else. A cult that is every day seeking out more members to authenticate it’s own existence.

It is also too big for me to deal with, so I walked away from most of the arguments I was running into because no one wants to hear it.

It looks to me, that people with straight forward gender identity crisis, rather than being encouraged to find ways to accept their dualistic condition and accept themselves, are being driven by a cult of identity politics involving various groups that support it, and the big net is being thrown out to catch those fish by Big Pharma, especially the young ones.

Big Pharma is wilfully targetting a confused section of society, and now aiming it at children before they grow old enough to have achieved puberty changes anyway!  They have worked out that the sooner they can drug them into gender confusion by administering HRT drugs, then the sooner they can convince the rest of us, that what is required is surgery and a lifetime reliance on HRT drugs. They are creating the problem, to then sell our future children the fix. It’s genuis.

Questioning this, I discovered, is trans-phobic.

I had to walk away, but I still struggle to keep calm when people preach to me about what a wonderful solution the surgeons knife and drugs are in helping gender confused people figure their identity crisis out.

Bollocks! It is in the realm of Mary Shelley novels. Her protaganist was also a respected scientist, in fact it is weird how much it all mirrors that story, but hey, it’s not my monkeys and it is not my circus. But that doesnt stop me feeling angry and sad at what is being done to people, and worse, kids.

Further research examples:

I will edit this part of the page and add in further discoveries as I come across them. It is my view only, but at least it means that I can point people here rather than have to keep repeating myself when arguing on social media. Maybe they will prove me wrong about this. I am open to it.

My approach:

First I try to find the sponsor and funding source, then I look for the bias in the approach to the research as there often is quite a lot, then I look for any facts that might have been buried beneath overtly positive conclusions.  I also consider the background of the researchers; are they driving for an answer or successfully remaining neutral.

Am I bias in the way I am researching it? Absolutely probably. I don’t care if you are Trans or think yourself a man, woman or beast, or all three, I do care if you are drugging people, especially kids, and making money out of their vulnerability.

1. Long-term follow-up: Psychosocial outcome of Belgian transsexuals after sex reassignment surgery. Study by Ghent university researchers.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247335377_Long-term_follow-up_Psychosocial_outcome_of_Belgian_transsexuals_after_sex_reassignment_surgery

First follow the money:

Cant find any mention of funding in the article. It’s Ghent University in Belgium but no signs of sponsor information for the research they conducted. I eventually found some links to the Worldbank and Soros foundation that seem to fund the University itself, and there were others I did not recognise. That is a money conflict given those corporations have vested interests in the research proving positive for HRT, its a long game win for them. I have big issues with the World bank who I see as nothing short of a criminal syndicate. For more on that see the fascinating book by Dambisa Moyo – Dead Aid)

Then look at the wording used:

The wording of the research immediately struck me as curious – “To establish the benefit of sex reassignment surgery (SRS) for persons with a gender identity disorder” – what about the possible non-benefits? seems like they are going in loaded with a plan to find proof its all good.

and there is more – “While no difference in psychological functioning (SCL-90) was observed between the study group and a normal population, subjects with a pre-existing psychopathology were found to have retained more psychological symptoms.” – meaning there was deterioration in some cases. And there is no mention of how they measured or didn’t measure these psychological symptoms. I’d need that defined and the yardstick they used to define it. In my view identity crisis qualifies as psychopathological in some cases.

then this… ” The subjects proclaimed an overall positive change in their family and social life. None of them showed any regrets about the SRS.” – so they asked them and took their answer as the result? That is not science that is opinion, and what was involved in that question being asked of them? Were they encouraged to be positive? Was there reward, payment or gifting if they suggested they were feeling positive?  HOw much of an influence was it to know that it would reflect badly on the community if they were negative? What transition person wants to be alone, they want more people transitioning along with them. How much did this influence that response? Did they ask them on a good day or a bad day?

This is not science I am reading, this result risks being easily manipulated collection of feeelz data, and can be easily tweaked to suit the desired outcome and report, just like it has in this case. – They said they felt great? Really, what about the drugs they were on? I feel great on Meth what does that prove? This is not scientific study we are reading here, and the more I look at it, the more it reads as a group of people going into it with pre-planned outcome, then putting top spin on it to make readers look at the results with a certain positive filter, and not scientific at all.

“A homosexual orientation, a younger age when applying for SRS, and an attractive physical appearance were positive prognostic factors.” – There it is again, if you do it to kids it works better!!!!! wtf! I despair when I see this being said for the reasons I shared already. Big Pharma are experimenting with HRT on kids because it works better on them and they can then sell them HRT as adults later. It’s THE BIGGEST issue that everyone is ignoring.

“Conclusion: While sex reassignment treatment is an effective therapy for transsexuals, also in the long term, the postoperative transsexual remains a fragile person in some respects.” – in some respect? what does that mean. Either way they actually own it here that it isnt fixing very much to transition, but then the rest of the paper goes on to slant it heavily towards all the success data they want us to read. Especially the stats about the suicide rates.
Everyone I speak to harps on about those suicide stats, but get this – the number of transitions is unknown because it is kept secret to stop them being targeted or feeling challenged after transition. Given this is the case, how in hell are they poving that the suicide rates drop from 40% to 5%? Either they know all the transitioners, or they don’t. I am a little sceptical that its all being pushed and promoted with a huge bias running up behind the motives.

This research was sent to me by someone trying to prove that Transition is working out well. They also seemed to neglect to notice that it was done over ten years ago in 2006, I wonder how it is doing now. It was titled as a Long-term study but its nearly fourteen years and I have not found any follow up on it. Is there a reason why they have not gone back to follow it up?

**

2. I’m a Pediatrician. Here’s What You Should Know About a New Study on Transgender Suicide.

link to the article here

It took me a long while to find anything that queried the current research into teen ‘trans’ suicide. Trawling through artcles after article that is driving the narrative like a sales-pitch that teens can even be legitamately Trans is quite insane, they base it on the teen saying it. That is it. No questions asked of what is driving that. (teen fashion, teen confusion, hormones all over the place naturally, YouTube influencers, etc…)

The proposed solution from virtually every article I found suggested that HRT for teens will help stop suicide. There is no proof of this and the data is being massively skewed to suit the agenda.

I wont got into the article above here, because it speaks for itself, but I share it because it’s the first time I found someone in the health industry questioning this narrative and providing links and facts to back their concerns up.

Some further articles from the author Michelle A Crella, along with in depth Disqus discussions from both sides of the fence can be found here – https://www.mercatornet.com/articles/multiple_author/michelle_cretella

“If I walk into my doctor’s office today and say, “Hi, I’m Margaret Thatcher,” my physician will say I am delusional and give me an anti-psychotic. Yet, if instead, I walked in and said, “I’m a man,” he would say, “Congratulations, you’re transgender.”

If I were to say, “Doc, I am suicidal because I’m an amputee trapped in a normal body, please cut off my leg,” I will be diagnosed with body identity integrity disorder.

But if I walk into that doctor’s office and say, “I am a man, sign me up for a double mastectomy,” my physician will. See, if you want to cut off a leg or an arm you’re mentally ill, but if you want to cut off healthy breasts or a penis, you’re transgender.”

***

(Feel free to comment in the Disqus comment section below this post)

The Myth of Male Power

The Myth of Male Power

The Myth of Male Power

Below are links to an audio podcast of an interview with Warren Farrell, the author of the book “The Myth of Male Power” (Interview host – Tom Howard).

It’s an in depth discussion into the gender politics that we face today, and provides a lot of statistics, and discusses a lot of the myths, around gender power imbalances. Every male should listen to this podcast even if just to consider how it does, or does not, apply to him.

Many people (feminists, mostly) argue that this is outdated information, that his sources are whack, or that he is only looking at one side of the issue. In some cases I agree, but in most cases he is actually looking at stuff that men need to hear and think about, to then make up their own minds.

One thing I have learnt from listening to this podcast, is that there is no generic solution or generic truth about the power imbalance between the genders. Everyone lives to different standards in their work, relationships, and personal experiences. But the knowledge shared here, is as important to discuss today as it was when the book was first published. And for many men, they would never have even thought about these things, let alone dared to discuss them with a woman. We need to talk about this stuff! It is about finding a mutual solution, not laying the blame.

If feminists really want equality, then lets start to talk about men’s perception of that, don’t just shut the male side of the conversation down or shrug it off. This, is the male side of the conversation. 

The podcast in 4 parts:


(Below are two downloadable PDF documents (Part I and Part II) that are transcipts of the interview taken from https://newmalestudies.com)

MythOfMalePower-Transcript_part_I

MythOfMalePower-Transcript_Part_II


(Feel free to comment below using disqus)

 

So you say your life is miserable?

Nothing I ever found undoes the root of our misery better than Vipassana.

SN Goenke based retreats are by far the best method, and I always recommend them to anyone. Sure, it is not easy and it is a lot of hard work, but our misery occurs because our life has been spent craving good things and feeling repulsed by bad things and that builds up over time into the inner existence of misery, which we then continue to feed with our endless reactions. There is no easy cure because of what we fundamentally are, and because of what being alive is all about — we are here  to experience life.

Anyone miserable actually needs to stop talking about it, and go find their nearest Vipassana centre, then go on a 10 day retreat, it is donation based so there is no reason to claim poverty and avoid doing it that way. Then come back and talk about their misery. Because there is nothing like misery to get people talking about their problems endlessly.

I think the best solution when someone wants to tell you how miserable their life is, is to put your hand over their mouth. Stop them speaking about it. Being miserable is addictive. Misery loves company, right?

So, go do Vipassana, and then you will have earned the right to discuss being miserable because you will understand why you are miserable and also, importantly, you will have been given a tool to deal with it. Until you have at least put some effort in to addressing the problem, shut up and stop moaning about it !

Vipassana Centers exits around the world, here is a link to find the nearest one to you –

https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/locations/directory

Bullying is just another part of life, men need to be challenged in order to grow.

Bullying is just another part of life, men need to be challenged in order to grow.

 

Female Nature, is to nurture : The feminine creates, maintains, and repairs social bonds by verbalizing emotions, and through nurturing connections.

Male Nature, is to challenge : The masculine creates, maintains, and repairs social bonds through challenge, body language, journeying, and truth delivered best with humour.

There is of course a shadow side to both these natural things: Females can become over-bearing, and Males can become bullies.

Bullying, is the best challenge a man can get

Something I have noticed more and more in the world at large, on social media, and in therapeutic circles especially, is the idea that bullying needs to be stopped. I disagree completely. I believe a bully is the perfect situation against which a male can learn the art of survival and growth. He will learn to fight his own battles, learn to overcome adversity, and learn one of the most valuable lessons in life for a man, how to handle defeat.

This is of course an extremely simplistic over-view, and whether it applies to women also, I do not feel qualified to say since I am a male not a female.

Men need to be knocked down sometimes

What irks me, and what prompted me to write this post, is seeing women starting to barge into male-only arenas and force their nurturing methods onto the masculine. I recently went out of my way to face-palm a female therapist who tried to do exactly this. She jumped into a dynamic that was escalating between a group of males on social media, and announced she felt it unhealthy to “gang up and bully”.

In theory she was right, except what she completely missed was that the male who was being “ganged-up” on, already had a number of incidents of violence targeted at him in the real world. What the other males had observed, through discussion of some scenarios that he openly shared, was that his own behaviour was in-fact clearly inviting the violence. He felt extremely defensive of his position, of course he would. And so the challenge was on.

It became pretty heated, in as much as it could on social media. What happened next was that some of the males started to rib him mercilessly, while applying liberal doses of humour, in order to let the truth beneath be acknowledged by him. (A woman might see this as bullying, but generally would fail to understand the nuance and mate-ship, the sense of camaraderie, in which it is being done and why men need it banged into them sometimes. This very same dynamic goes on in school yards the world over, every day. It is actually healthy for boys to engage in it, and we need to leave it to work itself through. This is how we learn to claim our own power, and learn our position in ape world.)

Intention makes the difference

The intention is what defines the dividing line between bullying and supporting a male to break down his defenses. Men sometimes need to be broken and when it happens, it is invariably done the hard way. That is because male growth comes from facing challenges, and not from nurturing. Men who learn to face these challenges, know this. Men who don’t, are at risk of becoming emasculated males, still deeply attached to feminine nurturing, which in short means attached to mother. It really is that simple.

The “bullying” in the case I share here was done with humour, with deliberate antagonistic intention certainly, but also with a brutal honesty and a certain amount of bro-care in the way only men can deliver. Why? Because we are men too. We get the journey. Women do not. We have had our fights, our losses, we have all been arrogant dicks at one time or another and had someone, or something, smash our ego so that we could grow out of our behavioural patterns. Men know when another guy is being a dick, even if he does not. We also know what is going on in this dynamic and process, which women only ever likely see as bullying because they cannot grasp the finer nuance and intention behind it, but then why would they, they are nurturers!

Men also know how to laugh at it, in fact laughing is the barometer to gauge where a man is at. Yes, laughing can be an avoidance, but it can also be a sign that a male has grasped his situation properly, and let go of his ego enough to hear what his mates are telling him by ribbing the hell out of his assumed position. Men communicate this, not through verbal emotionalisation as the feminine would, but through body language, physical ruff & tumble, and humorous ribbing. The clue that a man is finding his feet is because he will start showing signs of taking himself a little less seriously.

The Female Therapist Issue

Women, therapist types especially, generally fail to understand the essential aspect of male growth that stems from facing challenges, because it is not in their nature. There is nothing more damaging than a female stepping into a male dynamic, curtailing that masculine lesson being delivered, and by doing so, getting it all very wrong. Nurture then becomes neuter and creates the bed for mummy issues to grow in.

As a result, and with an increase in females taking therapeutic roles in our society, the old-school method of teaching males through challenge, is something that is rapidly disappearing from our male lexicon. Feminine beliefs and solutions are now being enforced upon males instead (Take the recent Gillette Ad as a perfect example of that). And there will be a huge price to pay for this loss of challenge at some point down the road if we fail to understand it now, and reign in the Female Therapists that are driving these solutions.

Let me share an example of this issue. I had a friend in Victoria, Australia who was eventually found dead on a beach after becoming homeless and who failed to find help for his inner masculine plight. His all-female therapist sessions over the past year had ended in him being branded “beyond help” by each and every one of them. He had asked consistently for male help, not female, which made sense especially since his issues stemmed from abuse at the hands of a feminist mother. There seem to be very few male therapists available in Victoria, and clearly none of the female therapists know how to deal with the masculine journey. They got it wrong. In this case, it even indirectly lead to the death of a young man. His death was not even mentioned in the papers, and many people only found out about it months later. That is one example of the male journey and challenges we face. Women involving themselves in this, are failing men, because they do not know what men need and they get it wrong.

Simply put, if you remove bullying rather than face up to the challenge, you remove the opportunity for boys to grow into men. If you apply feminine methods to the male journey, you will create a problem. The male journey is not supposed to be a nurtured and pleasant one, it is supposed to be a bloody challenge! but it needs the right kind of support and only men can provide that to other men. I do not know of another way to become a man. It is a tough journey for a good reason.

Women do not know what men need

Contrary to popular misconception, actually women do not understand what men need. They know nothing about how to approach dealing with masculinity, setting boundaries for males, or challenging them properly. Worse, they now seem to feel entitled to engage in applying their version of manhood to men, and that essentially means applying feminine methods in an attempt to create docile males. This is being disguised as an attempt to try to stop so-called Toxic Masculinity.

What women have failed to grasp, is that they still need Toxic Masculinity. It is what has made the world a safer place for them, much more than it has been for the past few millennia. There is also growing evidence that single-parent families (specifically moms) lead to more issues with young males. Further proof that women do not have the tools to provide a pathway of learning for males. This is OK, its not their fault, it is because boys need the masculine journey delivered by men who understand it. So long as women can accept that and seek the right pathways to get their male wards met, then all will be well. A woman’s challenge in this respect, may be in letting go.

The application of feminine processes onto the male journey, is a dangerous precedent to set. It will lead to the emasculation of males as they fail to meet the challenges that life throws at them, if they fail to be allowed to learn how to deal with those challenges by themselves, early on. This, some say, is a good thing, but that is naive outlook and failure to grasp just how important Alpha male’s are to the survival of the species, even in our relatively safe and sanitized modernity, to assume the world is safe from trouble, is to forget who currently guards the walls.

The Feminine really needs to start to see something here. Women have absolutely no idea how men deal with male competitiveness in the world at large, because she does not have to experience that, so how can she know? Men MUST be allowed to fight our own fights in order to grow from the experiences, in order to become worthy, adult males. Bullying is a perfect example. We have to learn how to cope with being knocked down.

Women do not grow from these kind of challenges, they grow from nurturing and emotional verbalization of their experiences. Men do not do this naturally, we grow from challenge, and it is mostly challenges that we do not want or like, but have to face. Today, many women seem wholly unable to grasp this point. This is becoming a problem.

Ridding the world of Toxic Masculinity will not create a Female Utopia

We need each other. Men need the nurturing support of the feminine, and women need the protection of the healthy, developed masculine.

The assumption that many modern women make, erroneously, is that what works for the feminine, will surely make a better world for the masculine too. This increasingly popular outlook is a big mistake. What works for the feminine will neuter the masculine, remove his ability to fend for himself, and then you risk making him reliant on others. What kind of male protector is that? These are actually the basic building blocks of mummy issues.

But try telling that to a woman intent on addressing so-called Toxic Masculinity in a group of males that are challenging each other. Men challenge each other often in a healthy way, though women very rarely grasp this. Why? Because it is not the way of women.

You are just a typical, macho, patriarchal dickhead !

If you think this is me being macho, or even about male bravado, you have misunderstood my point. If you think I am endorsing bullying you have also misunderstood my point. If you think I am endorsing shaming, you have misunderstood my point. If you think I do not value women in my life and their nurturing ability you have completely misunderstood my point. I understand why you might misunderstand my point, but I recommend you peel those rather obvious layers back, and look again. This knowledge is learned from experience, not theory. Men need challenges to grow, and boys learn by addressing bullying and not by being protected from it.

The purpose of my point here is to help a boy on his journey towards manhood. Being challenged will help him understand the basic Laws of the Universe. How they will challenge him mercilessly on his journey, and those challenges will teach him how to cope when no one will be there to hold his hand. In fact he will be expected to be the one to protect others, and not the other way around.

The value of bullying, the potential use of it, is to equip a male with the skills he needs to address the spiritual questions, to face up to his fears, and to make his choices in life, alone. Ultimately all of us face supreme defeat at the hands of death, no amount of female nurturing will help us avoid that. Death is our greatest challenger, and that is why death is often the best challenge to face in life too, for men. I am sure mum’s would disagree, in fact I expect it of them, because it is not the female journey. But whether they like it or not, this doesn’t change the facts.

As Maximus said in the film Gladiator, “Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.”

Ultimately a male’s purpose here is to protect, to build, to learn, and to further the species, but most of all it will be to sacrifice himself for his tribe and his people in a variety of ways and then eventually die having hopefully passed on some of his wisdom. Most especially, his journey will be to learn about himself. As Socrates said, Know Thyself. To do that, he needs to be challenged enough that he becomes capable of standing on his own two feet and knowing how to deal with anything. Then he will be a man.

This article is really just discussing the beginning of that journey for boys and also for men too, and it highlights the importance of women staying well out of some aspects of the male education. I discuss the more extreme end of this scale, which often results in imprisonable violence, in another thread about shame and why we should approach it as a teacher, and not something to avoid. [The Anatomy of Violence – Part 1]

It is not a woman’s job to turn boys into men

Women need to understand that it is not their job to teach boys how to become men, and it never will be. I don’t expect them to agree with this statement one bit, but that is irrelevant because they will have to accept it regardless, if boys are to become men. This is because women do not know what men need, and that is because nurturing is not what men need to grow and learn, men need to be challenged. Women need to learnt to surrender, let go.

I am not saying women should not step in to break-up fights if they feel they should. I am saying don’t be surprised if you get knocked over when you do. Having said that, I have seen many situations where women diffuse male violence much better than any male could. This is not in question, the power of the matriarch is a wonderful thing but she needs to know where her power helps, and where it hinders.

 

Audiobook Excerpts from “The Experience” by Mark Berry & Jodie Eade

AudioBook Excerpts

“The Experience, A Gentleman’s Guide to Threesomes: Exploring Relationship, Sexual Energy & Western Tantra” by Mark Berry & Jodie Eade

Book Description:

“This book is far more than just an instruction manual for a successful threesome, it is a guide for navigating through the challenges that present even when we try to just discuss our sexual wants and desires in any kind of honest way.

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The Anatomy of Violence : Part 1 – Shame

The Anatomy of Violence : Part 1 – Shame

In this article we will look in depth at the root cause of violence. In it we present why it is shame that we find at the root of it, and then present ways in which professional therapists, specialised in violent behaviour, have come to recognise and address the problem.

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Conflict Resolution Method: Talking from the “I”

Conflict Resolution Method: Talking from the “I”

Conflict is often caused by the language we use, not the subject.

One of the biggest reasons a discussion becomes conflict is that we feel blamed, shamed, accused, or that unacceptable demands are being made of us by another. Our sense of self is challenged and we rise to defend it, and rightly so.

This problem is not exclusive to relationships, it effects the entire world. Look at any Social Media spat or gender based argument, most of the time they go in circles with accusation followed by defence of the listeners position because they feel targeted, and then they throw it right back in the same way. It then becomes a fight for dominance of the argument, and the fight becomes nothing to do with the subject matter. Any chance of solution has then become derailed, it has become personal. Then we become stuck in a loop pattern, returning to the same fights, with the same people, and getting nowhere when we do.

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